so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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