In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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