Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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