Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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