Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
