I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
