Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
