Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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