yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Never joke about your clitoris.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
