Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
