they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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