if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
