OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
