She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
