the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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