she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
