i think i have two assholes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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