I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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