He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
