so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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