***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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