I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize