Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize