I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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