Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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