I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
