The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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