Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
