I'm so fucking centered right now
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
