He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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