You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
