you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
