you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
