you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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