I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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