honey bunches of taint.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
