Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
