it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
