I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize