you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
