Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
