when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
