I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize