When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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