Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
