32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
