hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
