Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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