nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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