but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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