god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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