Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
