I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
