??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You can't special order awesome
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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