this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
