i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
