singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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