Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am one with the molecules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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