he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
