Christians are straight up FREAKS
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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