I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
