Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
