I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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