So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
