I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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