I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
