I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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