I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
